Book Review: The Ethical Slut by Janet W. Hardy & Dossie Easton

It’s basically telling you how to be the ethical slut. Literally.

Reading this book over the weeks made me realize one thing; there is no such thing as a defined “perfect” human relationship because it’s basically a different case for everyone. In the beginning, the authors said that this book is going to tell us a lot of different and queer cases of human relationships, partnerships, or whatever you may be called it––so then you can define whatever best works for you and your partner/s. Or perhaps if you ever want to do it alone, it’s all our choices.

This book definitely permeates gender-neutral as the key to make any relationships work. There’s no such thing as a “male” role or a “female” role––being an ethical slut means we can share our desires with our partners and work together to build the best relationship that we and our partners want each other to be. And the term slut sometimes offends people because it is very close to the meaning of a “bad girl” in our society. No. The authors want us to be as proud as we can be to be called a slut, of course, the ethical one. Whichever they are.

To us, a slut is a person of any gender who celebrates sexuality according to the radical proporsition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.

They may be heterosexual, homosexual, asexual, or bisexual, radical activists or peaceful subordinates.

But the thing is, sometimes people are rather a hypocrite when they also come to the word of sex itself. They feel like somewhat a saint when they haven’t shared their sexual life because it kinda feels “sinful” to do such. But the problem is when they come to mock people who are comfortable sharing their sexuality or preferences. Having the idea that sex is still such a taboo thing, especially in my country, bolstering the fact that cases like this still happen and of course it’s still too early to become the vanguard without any blasphemy that comes along.

Reading this book makes me feel comfortable embracing my own sexuality and sexual preferences as a person who went through a lot to even define myself as. Learning about our sexuality corresponds with a lot of magnificent things within ourselves and somehow it teaches us to understand ourselves more than the social media posts, motivational quotes, or the personality tests taught us to.

This book also contains a lot of incredible culture of sexualship––whether you do it with one or more partners––such as how to counterbalance it with our beliefs or religion, building the culture of consent, creating boundaries, keeping sex safe, teaching your younger generations about sex, navigating challenges such as jealousy, conflicts, making agreements, or even building the culture of a healthy open relationship. Ethical slut also believes in the existence of open relationships for those who are capable to do that.

In conclusion, the authors let us give space for us to know ourselves again, owning ourselves as much as we can. All different constructions of reality are present in our daily lives, be it regarding the body, sexuality, preferences, relationships, or self-meaning. We are the ones who have authority over ourselves.

To truly know yourself is to live on a constant journey of self-exploration, to learn about yourself from reading, therapy, and, best of all, talking incessantly with others who are traveling on similar paths.

This hard work is well worth it because it is the way you become free to choose how you want to live and love, own your life, and become truly the author of your experience.