Living beyond Conformity.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will. — Romans 12:2
For years and years I’ve asked myself — and God, especially. “Why can’t I fit in? Why can’t I just be like everyone else?” While comparing myself with people who can get the taste of a perfect form of family. A healthy dad, a mom who doesn’t sacrifice herself so much to raise her kid alone. I wonder about the effortless feeling of being at home, free from the concern of judgment from others — a girl with glasses, curly hair, existing in solitude with only self-doubt as company, constantly hesitant to speak her mind, and concealed beneath the weight of hidden scars.
For many years and years… I spent my life to wonder how would it be to live in peace. To get what others effortlessly have. To become like what the world expect us. To fit it with the conformity.
For many years, these unsettling thoughts have grown into something I just accept as true about myself. They’ve settled comfortably in my mind, creating a space that feels hard to escape. It’s like this warped view has become my everyday reality. I find myself pointing fingers at those who brought this story into my life, blaming whoever made me the person I am — a girl dealing with these shitty feelings everyday. I blamed whoever made me feel insecure and hate myself so much.
I drowned myself in a pit of dissatisfaction just because I don’t have the same, undeniably good, experience like what most people do.
I overlooked and failed to grasp the truth that not conforming to the expectations of the world is, in fact, the most precious gift bestowed upon every individual by God. It’s like getting your own special place, reserved for those considered capable of handling it all. Someone who, surprisingly enough, can do things they never thought possible before — and even more so. That those scars can transform your whole being — and step you into a greater journey that imparts undoubtedly beautiful lessons.
I failed to see this for so many years, especially in my early 20s. I struggled to nurture my own self with positive thoughts and intentions. I became a person I truly dislike, I kept doing things that everyone else does, only to discover that it ultimately led to my own sorrow.
But help is always there to those who seek it.
God helped me through the worst experiences I walked through. God helped me through the experience that I had with my sick dad even in such short times. God helped me through people and friends who stick by me, and tell me that I do deserve all good things in life. God helped me through my desire, passion, to make it all everything about giving — not receiving. God helped me through art. God helped me through a beautiful and comfortable home while the world experienced the most deadly virus. God helped me through the heart and unconditional love of my mother. God helped me through the lovely dog I adopted suddenly in 2020. God helped me through the two therapists I talked to. God helped me through some hard breakups that I went through. God helped me through the difficult years where i couldn’t get any jobs. God helped me through the unusual connections that brought me a lot of luck. God helped me through music, books, writing pieces that brings me mindful transformation. God helped me through every difficult conversation. God helped me through the that one huge conflict that I endured with my partner. God helped me through the years when I doubted Him. God helped me through every small thing I might not consider as something that has actually transformed me into a better person everyday.
God helped me million ways that I didn’t recognize, even in this very second as I breathe.
It took me years — countless hopes in mind, that one day I could attain my own peace. The truth is, you have the power to create your own peace. You’ve been granted the free will to choose and craft the narrative, the subsequent chapters of your life. Despite the challenges and circumstances that life throws your way, and the things that are beyond your control, ultimately, you are the architect of your own story. And God does not tell you to live in conformity.
