What if everything is in its time?

I cannot tell you how much I’ve been longing for having that idea in my whole existence since I have never believed such. I had a phone conversation with my best friend today and she told me that this might be a turning point of my life, and I kinda want to share how I feel about it. I googled about it and most of the articles said that a turning point in the life of someone means that it is the time when a situation starts to change in any significant moments when you begin to actually reflect on your own self and actions, asking yourself questions about your current level of situations, or wondering about other options.

And I guess I did all of that for the past two years. For some reason, I feel like there were tons of unexpected events that also occurred in my life during those particular years. I feel like I couldn’t even describe how much of a new discovery of feelings or personalities I found throughout that entire journey. They were as unfamiliar as places I haven’t visited before––and it shaped me. It shifted a lot of perspectives I haven’t come upon. I guess that’s the price of being an adult.. a literal adult that every parent always taught us when we were kids. “You’ll get it when you’re older”

I was always doubting things; Yet at the same time, I found myself impulsively making any decisions without even thinking so much. I was always on an edge of bewilderment. I was always looking at myself at the end, and asked the same question: “How can you decide such things that got you stuck in this predicament?” I took my time to pause and regret everything until my breath collapsed. My brain felt like an automatic robot that couldn’t stop asking the whys.

It took me such a long time to finally see them in much bigger pictures. I tried to put all the puzzles into this huge canvas in my mind, yet I haven’t seem to understand all the disarray. But as I tried to repaint it, I realized how much every piece fits all the places perfectly no matter how perplexed it looks. It’s just like an abstract painting. Everyone has their own meanings to interpret every piece they run into. As what they so-called a turning point; I guess my best friend was right. This is the very moment when I can see everything as one complicated, yet beautiful abstract painting.

Every moment has its own portion. The good and bad. I cannot even say this lightly without going through so many downs and tons of hysterical nights where my mom would find me ugly crying on my bedroom’s floor. I literally had to experience all the crazy stuff, I had to rebuild my confidence and my faith back, I even had to reassure myself every single day that I’m going to be okay, that I’m going through this just like those hard days. They were not an easy journey but I don’t want to define it as my whole life. I am more than my own problems. I am more than all those bad experiences that I went through. I am more than every painful regret that I always have.

I took myself down easy, and land them softly back into the reality that I am in right now. Things are not getting easier, but I guess it feels like I can handle it. I suppose everything is in its time.